November 2009
16 posts
I care?
I’ve been able to keep things bottled up inside, up till last night.
For the last few months, I’ve kept everything bottled up inside, I smile, and pretend as if nothing was wrong, but deep within, I am crying, feeling empty inside. ~ There’s a suppress feeling of sadness inside my heart that I cannot seem to overcome. I thought my happiness was something that no one will ever be able to take away from me….until the day I was forced to separate from Las Vegas. In the short term, life goes on, you build a new life, & it’s up to you whether to make it good or bad. It did not however insist of taking away your happiness, I was not ready for this. Everyday, it’s the same thing, nothing to do, nothing to look forward too, but I kept my head up high. What a foolish remark of mine?! thinking there was a miracle, a superhero, a lifesaver or better yet a doctor who can give me a pill to overwhelm the pain that diligently—without a doubt, slowly but surely killed me. These feelings started to rise up and there was a tangled scream inside waiting to explode. I held it deep inside, and typically, it stays inside. — Up till last night.
Last night, I cried in the darkness feeling no sympathy. My body was paralyzed, my consciousness numb, and nonetheless blocked all the feeling I had. I woke up this morning, my eyes puffed and a bit red. Even though I emptied everything last night, the same energy of feeling I had was still there. I feel as if my inside are laughing at me, “Hahhah, what a dumbass. You can’t get rid of us you fool.” As for now, my hopes are crushed. And, the brutal truth is…this feeling may never go away. not now. not anytime soon at least.
Juuust keep it up beshh :] hang in there, your time will come..
